coke a-ok ·
1 February 06

I’m just trying to understand things these days. I’ve been through a few problems of late, and I don’t know if it’s karma getting back at me for being such a shit for so long. I still do coke, but not frequently. In fact infrequently would be the right term to use since I only do it when visiting a friend.

I like cocaine, but I don’t crave it, and it doesn’t get me depressed either. I’ve read as much as I can on the effects of drugs, in particular cocaine of late to understand the damage it does, but also the benefits it brings. Some say the use of coke is too dangerous and immediately the benefits are outweighed. I should stop, see a drugs counsellor, or let my shrink know when it gets out of hand. If they know coke addicts, then they know they’re usually too fucked up to ask for help, so if I ever get to that point, I don’t think I’ll be in a position to ask for assistance.

The difference between smoking weed and doing cocaine is immense for me. With weed, although it inspired my mind, it also took me away from a lot of the shit I have to deal with on a daily basis. I lose time, memories, and understanding of what I’m doing and why. Weed is a very reflective drug, in that it makes an individual analyse every little shitty detail of life, making them question its reasoning. Someone with mental problems doesn’t need to probe far before you reach that reflective point and it scares the hell out of you, because you’ve gone so deep and are left without answers.

Weed can cause paranoia, but then so can being shot at, or being mugged and so on. Anything can cause paranoia, but most people on weed don’t have the energy to go outside and freak themselves to death. The majority sit at home with their buds, pulling at the hairy green stuff which gets stickier the more you take off the stem. I used to smoke the stem as well at times, because I enjoyed smoking the shit a lot.

It got to a point where I was thinking far too deeply, and the company I was smoking with became more malicious and malevolent. I’m talking about a physical company, but also a metaphorical one of the mind. It didn’t cause schizophrenia for me, but it did increase awareness of the voice, and often the voice spoke when I was stoned. I had some good times getting high on weed, but there came a point where enough was enough. I will never smoke weed again.

Coke is expensive at around £50 for a gram which should last quite some time. The truth is that my friend and I go through gms like they’re sweets. We cut a line, we snort, we cut another, and snort again ad nauseum. I enjoy the high off coke than I do weed or most other drugs I’ve tried. The thing with coke is you are who you are, but you’re high.

It’s hard to explain, but it simply increases your awareness and clarity of though. You can focus intently or not, but you feel physically and mentally good, happy even. It works by suppressing certain functions in the brain that release chemicals in the brain to make you feel happy. The high isn’t artificial, it’s just induced artificially. There is a downside to coke though, and that’s coke wankers and ignorant bastards.

Coke wankers are the type where an individual’s personality completely alters be it good or bad, chatty and so on after taking coke. The problem with coke wankers is that the only way they can function is with the coke. For me, and I believe my friend, I remain as I am whether on or off coke for the most part, it simply makes me enjoy the time more than I already do. I don’t feel down, and I don’t get a downer when the buzz wears off, nor do I feel the craving for another one because “I must have it”. I’m not addicted and don’t plan to be.

Then you have your ignorant bastards, who simply attach the stigma of death and violence with coke. Give the wrong person coke and they will react horribly to it. Give another person nuts and they may react badly to it as well. Coke isn’t for everyone, just as nuts aren’t for everyone. There are more alcohol related deaths than all the other drugs put together, and there’s very little evidence of coke related domestic violence. So should they legalise it? That’s a question for another time probably.

I don’t feel happiest when I’m on coke, but when I do well at something, a sense of accomplishment or something meaningful like that. I care very little whether I have coke today or not. M world won’t end if I don’t take coke, but it won’t end if I do take it. We’re going to die, it’s just a matter of when and how, and I want to have enjoyed it by taking some risks than non at all. I don’t get a thrill out of it, it just happens to be the life I am leading, whether you think it’s much of a life is up for debate, but it’s an educated choice that I’ve made, which is probably backed by more understanding and research than your reasoning to quit it.

Just thought I’d share.