fixing leaks ·
10 August 09

Well the other day my half-brother came back from table tennis practice at his school. He kind of started talking, with reservation, and I didn’t acknowledge at first what he said, but he said it again and I finally caught what he said.

He explained how he had to sit in on a class before table tennis took place. The lesson was home economics. But I’m not talking about baking a cake or anything like that. This is the sort of home economics where they teach you how to put a condom on. Maybe they baked a cake afterwards. I didn’t really enquire any further.

I wasn’t quite sure how to handle it, but he seemed disturbed by the experience. He was laughing and giggling, and saying how disgusting he thought it was. I don’t think it was more mischievous rather than some moral agenda. He’s 13 for fuck’s sake (no pun intended), so he’s bound to become more aware of shit like that. I was aware of shit like that when I was 11. I’m sure most people were about my age when they found out about the sex education related things.

Sometimes he tells me that he’s wet his bed, or if you like, had a wet dream. He calls it “sperm leaking”. He thinks he’s going to go to hell because of it, and which is why he tells me about it, or asks what happens if it does happen. I just tell him he won’t go to hell if he did it by “accident” and he couldn’t control it. I could be as vague as I wanted really, just to get him to SHUT THE FUCK UP about his sperm. He was doing my head in with it every other day. I never bothered anyone with my shit, and I read books and asked teachers questions if I could. I didn’t get anyone pregnant, and I certainly never caught any STDs. I didn’t have an older brother or a cousin to talk to because they were all fucking Muslim. Shit like that doesn’t fly with the homies.

What did shock me, however, was that after his lesson they were offering “tickets” for the doctor to supply the ticket holder with contraception, such as a condom. Now on the one hand, this is fairly dodgy ground, and good promote promiscuity, on the other hand it could stop him from getting someone up the duff, and stop the spread of any STDs. I’m in both camps, and can’t seem to decide which is worse/better. It’s hard to decide that shit. For now I’m just avoiding his questions. I mean when he gets older, I can’t be talking to him about sex education; his uneducated illiterate father should be the one teaching him this shit, or his school.

Other than that, I’m getting closer to my decision about university and where I attend. I have the comforts of home vs the new experience. I’m not sure which the bigger decision is because it means I still have to go to one or the other. I’ve considered deferring my attendance until next year, but I don’t think I want to relax for a year and do nothing. I don’t have the luxury of time on my side any more. I’m already nearing 30 so I need to get my arse in gear and start making steps towards my final choice.

We’ll see what happens.