just a quick email ·
29 September 09

One thing I forgot to mention was I am having some serious issues with my short term memory. In the past week or so, I have taken (I think) up to 4 or 5 accidental overdoses at night, and about 2 or 3 accidental morning overdoses.

These haven’t been attempts at suicide. Some of the overdoses have been on “bad” days, which we talked about on the phone, and some on “good” days. What happens is that I make a plan in my head to take my medication at x time. I then either take the medication at that time, and then forget I’ve taken it and take another dose. Or I won’t take my medication at the time I’ve planned to, but then I don’t remember whether I’ve taken it or not so take a dose which is fine, but then forget I have and take another dose.

It’s all very foggy and muddy in my head, and I don’t quite know what to do about it. I’ve noted that some meds have days written on the back of the foil. Can I get my medication in this way? I used to have a pill box but I can’t remember where it is. I think another one may just prove to be a waste of money. I guess I could use a Windows application to alert to take my medication. I haven’t really thought about it until now.

This does worry me though, and I don’t if taking overdoses will affect my memory. I’m guessing the medication I take it doesn’t affect memory, but I don’t know for sure and you’re in a better position than me to clarify that. In any case I had my first class today (as I explained on the phone) and by the end of the evening I had forgotten what we were told. I do have access to the notes and PowerPoint slides though, so it’s not a total loss.

I should also mention that my sleep, as always, has been erratic. In the past week or so I’ve been sleeping as late as 3am in the morning even though I know have Uni in the next few hours before I sleep, and it’s not that I feel restless or energetic, but I can’t engage in sleep.

So there are a number of things on my mind that are causing anxiety and maybe even a bit of fear. I think the lack of sleep coupled with the overdoses maybe a factor in my mood swings (good days and bad days), as well as the intensity of the voice hearing (which was at its highest on Thursday during queuing to attend a required uni lecture for the induction), but it lasted about 3 or 4 hours, after which I was in control again and I was able to ignore the voice and its commands about harming myself mostly, but also to harm others and reinforcing the idea that everyone was out to get me, to shoot me or kill me with their vehicle. Or something would fall on my head. Probably the sky.

I’m not concerned about the incident with my half-brother, as I understand you are communicating with my mother about it? I know you can’t give details, and that’s fine – I don’t think I would want to know. It’s a private matter.

Thanks