shit fuck i've been robbed ·
28 June 06

I think I’ve been robbed, and I was pissed off at first but now I’m more sedated about it. Why? I don’t know, if you’re a victim of fraud you’re a victim of fraud, even if it’s the first time. I mean the way I see it is that although the money is realy, it was virtually removed. I wasn’t mugged at knife point and had my bowels removed or anything.

I bought a graphics card as my current one is crapping out, so I go on Ebay and find a nice bargain. Or so I think. I now discover the user is no longer registered on Ebay, and then add to the turmoil I may not be able to get my money back from Paypal since it’s not covered under the Paypal Buyer Protection Programme. It pretty much sucks in that sense.

Emotion leads to chaos. It’s better to look at things rationally and comprehend them in such a manner that emotion does not interfere

There is some good news, with some bad news, and possibly worse news. The bad news is that the cheque from the writing competition about my schizophrenia hasn’t arrived. The good news is I’ve written to the person behind the competition in the hope he can send the money via the dreaded Paypal. The worse news might be someone stole the cheque and I’ll be further out of pocket. I only hope that I get the cheque so I can cover my loss on the graphics card.

But as I say, I’m ok about it. I could go ballistic, though I’m quietly going crazy in my head. It’s like a war zone, with rockets and bombs being dropped inside my head. In fact I have serious headache coming on because I am unable to express my anxiety of being defrauded or frustration and anger.

I am pissed off actually, now I think about it, but I can’t think of a logical way to express that frustration, no matter what my shrink thinks about being emotional I can’t be. Emotion leads to chaos. It’s better to look at things rationally and comprehend them in such a manner that emotion does not interfere. If it was to interfere then it simply lead to further psychosis I think. I don’t need anymore than I already have.