the lxd test ·
1 July 04

The instructions read as follows:

Take 2 capsules after a light snack. Do not repeat doses within 30 minutes as doing so may induce nausea.

There was a bunch of other stuff written about don’t do this and that. But I didn’t pay much attention. The pills I took were LXDs, which were contained in gelatine capsules: one cap white, the other blue. I really should have opened them up and sniffed the contents, but I decided against this since it was my first time with new items.

Following the instructions, I had taken two. I waited about 8 minutes and impatiently took another. And another 3 minutes later, another. Since they come in packs of 6 I had take 4 thus far. It had been about 20 minutes with little effect. I could understand why now. Gelatine capsules take a while to digest, since they are hard shells. Once they are digested, which takes about 30-40 minutes the chemicals are also ingested. I realised, that if these things were any good, in about 40 minutes I would be hit by a hurricane. In which case, I will now take the remaining two.

I needed to find a container. The heat was making the smoking shit make my smell, er, room smell, like fucking mint. I took the, pen and kitchen. I took the pen and pen, I think. No, I took the pen and something that you tape things with. Fuck. Ok.

I NEEDED TO CONTAIN THE SMOKEY THING IN A BOX SO IT WON’T SMELL. I got a thing like a knife, called scirrros, or also known in England as scissors. In the rest of the world they are called scirrors. In any case, I added the ingredients to the cake. But there is no cake, so ignore that bit. I picked up a pen to write with on paper, so I could label the herbs, since the box was too small. Wow, my room smells fucking minty. I might just leave a packet out and let it improve the smell. But it may absorb the moisture through it’s magic SEALED bag. Yeah that’ll really fucking work. AW FOCKIN GENIUS YAH!

Forgetting the tape, I went back to my mother’s room to find some. I found brown tape, which left me with a dilemma, I wouldn’t be able to see the paper writing so I wouldn’t know what the fuck I was smoking. It was all pretty similar but something might be stronger than the other. Wow, my room was REALLY starting to feel nice. I was feeling relaxed. I wasn’t sure if it was the pills of the smell. It was fucking gorgeous! I want to eat the air, it smells so nice, and if it tastes HALF as good as it smells I am in for a fucking TREAT!

Hmmm, my kid bro just hugged me. It would be funny if I could flush him

So, I decided to tape the packs with brown tape, but take them out of their main packaging as it added to the capacity. Which meant it filled the fuking thing I was putting something in. Before all this, I did this:

I can’t remember what.

So, having taken six capsules over a period of 30 minutes, I think my digestive system is either slower than most or I have not something in my teeth. I swallowed some trousers which ate a badger once. Goddamn those teeth hungry trousers from Zambaka. When I was in the forest, I hide from the monkey with bulging eyes. It’s eyes always bulged when it saw a joint. It said,

“ooooo ahh ooo ahhh WAH WAH WAH”

I then handed the joint over the monkey with bulging eyes. He ate my trousers after smoking the joint. The bastard. I said to him,

“Oi! FUCKING MONKEY!”

He looked angrily at me. I paid no attention, I wasn’t afraid of a fucking monkey that stole my joints and ATE MY TROUSERS!!

“Why the fuck don’t you go down to the shops and get your own trousers you cheap fucker!”

The monkey got angry, his head went red slowly, from the neck upwards, like in cartoons as if their head is going to explode. Smoke came out of its ears. It roared like a muthafucka that had a very hot, burning poker stuck up its ass. Tears ran down it’s face, and it showed a green thing underneath. Green….WTF? Anyway, it grew and grew. HOLY SHIT it was HUGE! It turned into a big green dragon, and it wore a shirt which said,

“I LIKE BIG BOOTY” and on the back, “STIR FRIED CHICKEN available at WON’s 1-800-WON-TON”. I thought this was a commercial dragon. He digged the money, he digged anything about commercialism and he was proud of it. Sadly, the shirt was pink. WHAT A PUSSY! I would have respected the dragon, but it had a PINK shirt. Fuck that shit.

I still haven’t got round to packing my gear in a tight container. It’s very long work. Everything seems, if not slower, then I don’t know to be honest. Something feels different. I feel like someone has used a diffuser and I am the contents of a photograph, with someone perhaps editing me in photoshop, or editing my room which is an environment in a picture.
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The thought of watching Happy Tree Friend’s keeps cropping up. I get this feeling that perhaps if I watch a horror film, I’ll be so scared I will physically crap in my pants. And I’ll think to myself, “OH MAN! You’re just a baby! YOU CRAPPED YOUR PANTS!” and then I would turn into a little fox and run around people’s legs. I’d bite their legs as I ran, and they’d shoot after me, but they would always miss!

I ran along the forest, as the dogs chased me. They were very violent, and aggressive. The doodes in red were chasing after me on horses. I thought to myself, “Fucking hell, talk about playing against odds!” But I had no time to consider questions. I ran through the forest at blazing speeds, the forest, the trees, the bushes, the mud all changing colour and speed past me like a bullet train. Everything was blurred as I ran and ran, wondering if they would either give up the chase, or kill me before I got home.

There’s a “Normality” poster in front of me. A failed game, with new ideas. Badly executed. It has swirling multitudes of colour. I could feel the drugs kicking in a bit, as my arm felt a bit tired, I was feeling very relaxed and my eyes were transfixed onto the Normality poster.

All this time I had been in a room with pretty much silence. The only noise coming from me battling against the keyboard, the pc with it’s humming, and the fan with it’s air drifting over me. It was like, I don’t know, being on a field in the sun light, and having a helicopter drift over you while the boats journey across the river. Pretty cool.

I perhaps spent nearly 4 hours trying to find something to do

The bit between the end of my neck and the beginning of my chest seemed to be a little tense. But it wasn’t bad, just a moment of it. I feel quite relaxed though and a little bit floaty. I’m not seeing things that aren’t there, but I am slower, I am chilled. This shit works better than prozac or any of the other shit I’ve tried. And it doesn’t add a zombie effect, it just keeps you calm. Though, I wonder how explosive I would feel if I was aggravated. Although now I feel kind sick. I think perhaps taking 6 in pretty much one go was not a good idea since I didn’t know the strength of these cunts.

Feeling very….heavy, drowsy. Weeeeeeeeeeee. I’m going to watch happy tree friends since I’ve been battling with myself to watch it. But I GOTTA MOVE ALL MY GEAR! LoNG!

Right, well, I kinda of feel I am off my tits but I am so in control. The effects seem to come and go, and climbing the stairs was a fucking mission. It was like having lead weights banged on your knees. It is a bit painful moving against gravity, but if I’m lying down it’s ok.

As I said, the effects seem to come and go. Right now I feel pretty fucking happy. I felt fairly giddy earlier, and my legs were kicking against the wall for some weird reason. I can’t explain it, but I think they were separated from the rest of my brain. Perhaps. This is one weird set of gear. I have lots more of it, so I would probably take it with something else. And I would take the full 6 capsules in one go as they are a bit weak.
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Fair enough, as I type this I have a grin the size of the Cheshire cat, and I can’t help but bob my head left and right, left and right like those punchballs in a gym. I think this is a social high, and you would ideally have other people taking it with you. It’s released something decent in my brain which is chilling me out, making me smile and whatever. In that sense it works great, but I don’t feel high.

Also, it could be just that I drink a lot of water anyway. But you do end up pissing for a while. Also, time is a big issue. IT FUCKING FLIES!! I swear it was like 2PM and it was nearly 6PM by the time I got down to watch something. That indicates that I perhaps spent nearly 4 hours trying to find something to do, or something else. THIS IS NOT THE CASE I ASSURE YOU!

Having a half brother aged seven doesn’t help BECAUSE THAT BASTARD SHOUTS SO MUCH AND IS FUCKING NOSEY AND IS PROBABLY HIGH ANYWAY. I feel kinda euphoric, but I aint doing anything with it. I guess, it should be mixed with similar drugs or perhaps to be used in conjunction for a smoke. I don’t know if the contents could be smoked, could they be sniffed? Fuck knows.

I want to try the other stuff, like the woodrose which I understand will make me nauseous, or perhaps the space cadets or druids fantasy, since they actually contain hallucinogenics. I think that’s what I am really after, and the LXD doesn’t actually do anything close to that. I don’t how long this shit will last, but I hope if fucking wears off soon cuz it’s ALREADY 8PM!! FUCKING HELL! I think I may do sit ups or something, to burn it off, but I just ate so I can’t. AND THOSE CHILLIS I SWEAR THEY GOT ME HIGH! Sometimes I feel like I have four hands.

He ate my trousers after smoking the joint. The bastard

I’ll write more, but so much FUCKING NOISE!! It’s like world is collapsing around me, everything is so loud! And I need to piss again. Fuck man, I tell yer, this shit it caused a bit of pain on my bladder. It’s fair to say this is a MOOD drug. If you see something happy or funny you will feel better, than if you see something depressing or quiet or dull. So, I should watch more funny shit than this rather dark vampire thing, cuz it’s not particularly funny to watch. Funny things make me smile. Funny things rock. Hmmm, my kid bro just hugged me. It would be funny if I could flush him, I think I’ll go try. That makes me smile.

Well it’s pretty much worn off. I don’t know if I can really say I remember much of how I felt. It must have done something, cuz, to be honest, I don’t remember a lot. I don’t even remember if I was “all there”. I was somewhere, and I watched 13 episodes of an anime which I remember. But I don’t actually remember being aware of anything. If that makes sense. A bit surreal.

Recommended Dosage:

6 capsules – fuck it man, just take the lot and see what happens. They’re not gonna kick your teeth in, as they don’t include anything too strong.

Effects:

Drowsiness, giggles, makes you feel a bit horny (could just be me, wouldn’t surprise me). Comes and goes in waves. Time goes fast.

Ideal Conditions:

Take with other people, and have fun. Anything morbid or depressing lessens the effect and makes you transfixed. Almost hypnotised by nothing.

Verdict:

Not bad for the price, I’d buy more if I was going to take it with others. Funny though, I got lots left over :) 6 capsules seems to last at least a good few hours.