the task outline ·
17 July 07

Wasn’t sure how to start off this write up, because the task seems daunting and I’m not sure how I will be able to express it in a way that’s digestible.

I think that I will use this write up as a rough draft or a canvas to express my feelings about my therapy. What I haven’t explained is that my psych has requested/suggested that I do a write up of my therapy thus far. From it’s initial beginnings to the ending, and everything in between. She suggested that I write a “good few pages”. It sounds like a bloody essay, I’m not sure I have enough to say about the therapy to warrant the wasting of a few pieces of paper.

Rubbing my chin in curiosity, I’m hoping I will have something substantial to say. I’ve not come across this method of ending a relationship before, so I’m pondering on what the hell to write. It’s almost like the whole therapy was going to end with a final exam that they sprung on me out of the bloody blue.

I’m flummoxed and have become quite anxious about what I will write. I feel that a great burden has been forced upon me and I’m now weighed down with a task that’s increasingly beginning to look like a non -starter. What if I just don’t do it? I wonder what the consequence of that would be. Probably nothing, would be the sensible answer, it just means that the ending ends without a statement. Whether this will be detrimental to my own treatment is questionable, but I’m no expert.

In some ways I’ve blown everything out of proportion I guess as this is, after all, just a write up of the treatment I have received over the past year and a bit. There’s nothing brand new about what I have to write, and so all I’m doing is going over old ground which I should find quite an easy task. Sadly though I don’t trust my brain and within that my memory. As the years ave passed my memory has become worse and seems to leak much like a bucket with a hole in it is being filled with water or something else.

Well I guess I will try and do this piece of shit task, it will probably help if I look at the task as it was written and then break down in to sections. O think I might write back and explain that I’m becoming quite anxious about the whole thing and it’s causing writer’s block, whereby I am unable to write anything. May be, if I do this, I can just end it with best wishes and that’s it. Fuck. I don’t know what to do. I’ll try it tomorrow and see how I feel then.

END